little dark cloud

Bad kitty

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 16:19:00 -0800

Chloe has uncharacteristically been clawing at the couch for the past couple of weeks. I think it’s a combination of her realization that Ben detests “play fighting” (being ambushed) and the fact that I’ve been keeping the windows closed because it’s cold out (for California).

In any case, to maintain the balance of yin and yang in the apartment, Chloe was forced to get the feline version of Lee Press-On Nails. Soft Paws has been making this product since 1990, but this is the first time I’ve had the chance to use it. Chloe seems not to notice that she now sounds like a velociraptor walking on the hardwood floors, for which Ben and I are both grateful for very different reasons.

eHarmon(e)y, anyone?

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 15:36:00 -0800

It’s widely known that China’s one-child policy has led to many sex-specific abortions—a new study has estimated that by 2020 there will be 24 million men in China unable to find wives, mostly in poor, rural areas.

Hear that noise? That’s the sound of graduate schools and Russian mail order brides rejoicing.

Meet Chloe

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 14:00:00 -0800

Farewell my Christmas tree

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 13:00:00 -0800

Every year, the prospect of getting a Christmas tree tickles me pink. I look forward to it for weeks—this probably has something to do with my growing up in a household with a fake tree that lived in the attic.

This year I invited a handsome eight-foot Noble Fir into my living room. His smell was intoxicating. And the way he endured the weight of those 300 lights! He even got along with my cats.

A few weeks later, things started to go sour. Even though he was always there, his attentiveness seemed to have faded. Maybe I’d just gone into the whole thing with unreasonable expectations. In any case, I think we need to take a break… I’ll see you next year, darling.

Meet Ben

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:00:00 -0800

No quiero Taco Bell

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:34:00 -0800

Taco Bell sits in the middle of a Venn diagram between food and statistics: how many permutations are possible with N ingredients? Their new Drive-Thru Diet is no exception.

Wait, I’m confused. Can I only acquire these foodstuffs through a drive-thru? If I make a Frescolution, am I still allowed to eat at Jack in the Box, or would that be cheating?

But this part is my favorite:

Knowing that the value of a year’s supply of Fresco is $550 should not make you want to incorporate this into your diet. That would be like feeding yourself Eukanuba for a year, which is obviously not what they fed that poor Chihuahua.

Drop it like it's hot

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:22:00 -0800

Just when Tiger Woods started running low on sponsors that could drop him, Charlie Sheen has graciously stepped up to the plate. Looks like the jury of the court of public opinion has made its mind.

Here kitty kitty...

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 19:40:00 -0800

I think my girl kitty (who is all white with blue eyes) would be able to pull off this look. Kittywigs.com, please take my $50.

New Year's Day brunch: French Toast

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:22:00 -0800

I’ll be prepping this tomorrow evening for New Year’s Day brunch.

Ingredients

1 (1 pound) loaf French bread, cut diagonally in 1 inch slices
8 eggs
2 cups milk
1 1/2 cups half-and-half cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 cup butter
1 1/3 cups brown sugar
3 tablespoons light corn syrup

Directions

Butter a 9x13 inch baking dish. Arrange the slices of bread in the bottom. In a large bowl, beat together eggs, milk, cream, vanilla and cinnamon. Pour over bread slices, cover, and refrigerate overnight.
The next morning, preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). In a small saucepan, combine butter, brown sugar and corn syrup; heat until bubbling. Pour over bread and egg mixture.
Bake in preheated oven, uncovered, for 40 minutes.

Recipe courtesy of Allrecipes.com.

Missing: Sea Lions

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:58:00 -0800

Several weeks ago, I was jonesing for some fried clam strips and trekked out to Fisherman’s Wharf (trying to dress as much unlike a tourist as possible) for some from the little hole-in-the-wall place I usually visit for these types of things.

To help prevent the plaque from immediately coating the interior walls of our arteries, my dining companion and I strolled down to Pier 39 to give our regards to the sea lions. We also like to single them out and christen them on the spot with names like Boris, Deadbeat, and Tinkerbell.

There was no swarm of camera-laden, finger-pointing tourists as we approached the pier. And no sea lions.

Um, where did they go? Maybe the marine experts guessed correctly and they left in pursuit of a food source. Or, more plausibly, maybe they got a tip from James Cameron and left in search of the precious metal Unobtainium—hopefully Pocahontas, I mean, Neytiri, will take good care of them.